Promises

PROMISES

My Covenant Ring

I love definitions. Yes, I know I'm strange but they open up my world and help me understand new and exciting things. The word promises means "a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified" and the word covenant means "a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action". Today, April 28, 2014 marks a very important event in my life that involves both of those words. It was so important that I felt I wanted to share it with each of you. 20 years ago today my daddy took me out on a "date". I was 13 and enthralled with the idea that I got to have a father daughter date! My dad let me choose the restaurant that I wanted to go to, I choose Chinese. After a fun filled evening of Chinese food, miniature golf, and walking around the mall my dad took me to Frendly's (a burger joint with amazing ice cream). Over our sundae's he presented me with a piece of paper and a box. The piece of paper was a covenant with things that he promised to do and things that I promised to do and a place for our signature.  He told me that this wasn't something I had to do but that if I wanted to he was willing to enter into a covenant with me. The box contained a ring. The ring was Black Hills Gold, something very special to our family and to me in particular. This particular gold is mined in the Black Hills of South Dakota near where I was born. It is a distinct gold because it comes in three colors regular gold, green and rose colored. Most of their pieces contain those colors shown in grape leaves. The pictures  don't do the ring justice (but it is over 20 years old so we'll give the ring a break). My dad offered this ring to me as a symbol of the covenant. As a 13 year girl I didn't realize the long reaching implications of all that was going on but I do remember thinking how neat it was because the center heart was surrounded by the other two hearts showing my heart being protected by my Daddy and my Heavenly Father. I signed the covenant with my dad that night and began to wear the ring but I really had no clue what the next 20 years would bring or what the covenant would keep me from.

The ring from my Daddy

In my mind as a 13 year old girl I had dreams of one day meeting a young man, growing to love him, him proposing to me and my covenant ring being replaced by an engagement ring. As a silly young girl I even thought I had the wedding planned out. My Dad encouraged me to write out my "dating" standards and give it to him. These were things that if a young man wanted to court me he'd have to line up to even before he had a chance with me. He also encouraged me to write them even before I became emotionally involved with a guy. He's so smart :). Throughout the years to come I began to wonder, "mmmm is he the one?" Even though I had made a promise to my Dad and to the Lord to keep my body pure I wasn't as careful as I should have been with my thoughts and allowed myself to fall into the pit of dreaming. I had several young men enter my life in my teens and then in my 20's that I began to wonder and ask the Lord "Is He the one?" At times I would even convince myself that God definitely wanted that one or that one for me. But the Lord and my Dad faithfully reminded me... "No, Jolene just keep focused on the Lord...He isn't the one." Now as I stand on the brink of turning 33 I've had friends that have become discouraged and given up on God's plan for them. I've had friends that have become dis-allusion because they weren't able to find a husband in their 20's when the world, the church, and their friends all thought they were supposed to find someone. To be honest I myself have at times just given up on ever seeing my girlish dream fulfilled. But, now as I stand at a much older woman than 13 and hopefully wiser I realize that God's ways are not my ways. God's plans are much bigger than mine. God has a purpose for marriage, for purity, for singleness and it's all to point people to Himself. Where this ring once stood, and still does, as a symbol of a covenant to keep myself and remain under my father's protection it now stands for a whole lot more to me. I see this ring as a picture of God's grace. It's not easy the older you get to watch others have what you've always wanted. It's not easy to grow older and watch younger girls "get the guy". But it is possible! When a girl's focus is not on marriage or the dream of romance but rather on the one who Redeemed her disillusionment and discouragement fall away.  Does that mean it doesn't rear it's ugly head back up again...I'd be lying if I said that was true. I share my story to encourage women whether young or old to keep their focus on Christ. Something I've come to realize along my journey is that a man is not the answer to fulfill the God-sized hole in your life. The only one that can fill that is God himself. Have I failed in trying to fill it with dreams, hopes, guys...yes. Do I regret it? Yes, very much. I see so many hours that I have wasted living in the future with a hope-so mentality that I could have used for greater Heavenly minded things. I am so thankful that God is a God of grace and even though I've fallen and failed Him so many times over the past 20 years He is a merciful, forgiving God!

I'll soon be 33 and you might ask "Why do you still wear the ring aren't you an old maid now and marriage doesn't matter?" I wear it because it is a reminder of a covenant I made with my Daddy so many years ago and though the young men are not knocking down his door to come pursue me it is a silent reminder of a promise. It is a reminder of God's grace. It is a reminder that with God's help you can truly do what seems so impossible. I've chuckled when I've heard girls in their early 20's say "I'll just die if I have to be single my whole life" or "If I'm not married by 25 my life is just gonna be over." I probably had those thoughts internally though I never expressed them verbally. But looking back I see God's footprints all the way carrying me to where I am today and I know it's all because of grace. You might ask "Have you given up on marriage?" In a way yes but only because I've chosen rather to live God's will for me today. God's will for me today is singleness. He has told me not to worry about tomorrow but to love and serve Him today.

Thank you for letting me share so publicly something that is very personal to me. I pray that as I share my heart that it will be an encouragement to someone.